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I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.