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I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.