Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.