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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
If you receive an e-mail that says: ``FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS`` Don`t open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.