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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."