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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why didn`t you text me? I`ll never call you back. Like, ever. You`d have better luck with a telegram.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.