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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
New day, same old bullsh!t
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch