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Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d like to bring a guest.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
Good for you, people that do things.
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.