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"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.