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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.