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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
Carfax but for people
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.