Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.