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Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Iām not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
All I want for Christmas is for these calories to not count.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.