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Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.