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Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.