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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
More people should be at a loss for words.
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.