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A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.