Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
The worst part of being an insomniac is having to eat spiders while I’m awake to maintain my yearly average.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
I had your cake and ate it too.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.