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I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.