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99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
It`s hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)