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Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
Is Nudeism a religion?
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?