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Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.