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I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.