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The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to fingerblast a hole through the plastic in one of the roll holes
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.