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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
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I`d hit that. - women drivers
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
Does running out of money count as exercise?