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I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
The worst part of being an insomniac is having to eat spiders while I’m awake to maintain my yearly average.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.