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Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
Beauty is only a light switch away...
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
I need a new bad decision.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.