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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
I need a partner in wine.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.