Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
I only accept apologies in cash.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon