Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
I play hard to get along with.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.