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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.