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I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.