Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.