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My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
Iām sorry Iām late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
I miss the life I planned in my head.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
sleep is for people without netflix
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.