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How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
Marriage is for quitters
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.