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At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
Bacon...need I say more
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.