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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100