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Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.