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Iām not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
Gravity is a real downer.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!