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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?