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Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
Save water- shower with me!
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"