Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
So long pants! See you Monday!
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"