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PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
Carfax but for people
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.