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And then her mood ring just...exploded
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
Do angry people know about naps?
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook