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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!