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I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.