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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
Honk if you wanna see the finger
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.