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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle