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It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.