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i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
A word to the wise isn`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked ... So did all the other people at the post office.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.