Daily Silly Status

I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.

My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.

I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.

I always advise people never to give advice.

There really should be awards for getting out of bed.

So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....

Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?

Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?

I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?

I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?

Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.

Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?

I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`

If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.

They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.