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Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.