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I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
The best thing about falling down when you`re home alone is that you can just lie on the floor and take a nap.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.