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A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch