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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.