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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
"Good for you!" means, "I do not consider you a threat" in woman-speak.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
I can tell you nice things but they`ll all be about me.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.