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If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
The pizza guy just said "see u tomorrow" ...
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.