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Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
I`m thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.