Daily Silly Status

I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.

Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!

Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army

I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.

When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"

I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.

The first sign of laziness:

Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?

I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.

I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!

My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!

Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.

All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.

If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.