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I don`t care about your status...
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.